My crush "of the month"...

Okay, so it's been waaaay more than a month since I posted my last crush. In fact, it's been about two years. It's not that I haven't had any other crushes, celebrity and otherwise, I just kind of forgot this particular blog topic until the other day.

You see, early this summer, my sister Jesse asked me if I wanted to see Kenny at the NY State fair (at the end of this month), and I said sure. I actually like his music and even own a couple of his CDs. I just wasn't all crazy about him like most of his (mostly female) fans seem to be. I have, in fact, resisted the charms of this particular cowboy for more than a decade, while my sister has not missed a concert within a hundred mile radius, and owns every CD he's ever made. I must even confess that after one particularly unfortunate wardrobe choice Kenny wore to the CMA awards back in the late 90s, -- a white, sequined Elvis-style jumpsuit -- I was one of those who suspected he might be, well, a little Brokeback Mountain -- not that there's anything wrong with that,(and I now believe that I was wrong) but I teased my sister unmercifully about the fact that her favorite cowboy probably didn't like her as much as she liked him.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, my sister gave me this CD and I am smitten. It's a little Jimmy Buffet, perfect for summer, and I am just reggae-in' all over the place and loving this guy's mellow vocals and laid back carribean charms. After I sang Jes my best rendition of Key Lime Pie for the fourth time, and told her how I want find a way to get backstage at the concert, she finally confronted me -- " I think you have a bigger crush on Kenny than I do!"

And for this month, at least, she's right!

Did I say tomorrow? I really meant, um, never.

I just read my last post to see where I left off and apparently I had promised photos from a recent art gathering "tomorrow." That was a week ago. What can I say? Time flies! And when I finally opened the file with the photos I took, they were all blurry. Have I mentioned lately that I am one of the world's worst photographers with my digital camera? The camera I've had for 4 years? And every January I make a resolution to actually read the manual and learn to use it? And then I don't? Have I mentioned that lately?

So in lieu of my own photos, I will link you to the blogs of some of the attendees who actually do know how to use their cameras -- Tabitha and Ginger.

It was a perfect day. The hostess, a very good friend of mine, is an event planner as well as an artist, so in addition to good company, we had great food, beautiful surroundings, and a seamless choreography of the day's events. She even managed to make it stop raining -- no small feat this summer.

Heart strength

16 x 20, mixed media acrylic & collage on canvas

I have a number of new paintings in the works - several more in the heart series, which will continue at least until my niece gets her transplant*, and a new series of 4(or 5) for an upcoming local show with a new group of artists that I have joined. I will be providing more info as the date gets closer and when the official logo for our group has been approved.

*FYI, Avery is doing very well with her Berlin heart, eating, drinking, making crafts and even taking trips out to the hospital garden during the day.
I am also on the verge of meeting with one of my co-conspirators in art to discuss some workshops that we would like to offer, so teaching will be back on the table very soon.

I would tell you more, but so many details are still up in the air.

Tomorrow I will share some photos from a weekend luncheon and artist's date that I attended. It was so great to hang with a group of "art girls" for an afternoon.

Art therapy?

As some of you know, my sister Jes and I visited my niece (and sister, and brother in law) in Children's Hospital last weekend. As always, it is soooo good to see Avery when she is awake and alert and on the road to receiving the ultimate gift. Not to mention how good it is to be able to take my sister out for just a little while to give her some much-needed respite from the daily stress of caring for (and worrying about) Cutes.

During the visit, we spent a good deal of time in Avery's room, and I had time to take in all of the wonderful cards, letters and works of art created by her classmates and friends. Her walls and windows are a celebration of hope and color and creativity, and well, in the middle of it all... one big, black sorta scary painting of a shark.

During this visit, I also happened to be reading this book, which is a fictional novel based on the very real shootings by two students at Columbine High School in the 90s. So I look at the shark painting, for probably the fifth time that day, and I say to my sister Jesse, (somewhat jokingly), "they'd better keep an eye on this kid when they get older," and my sister responds, with a smirk "um, that would be YOUR NIECE!"

So, as you can see from this painting, which I was allowed to take with me, and which I now have hanging in my office to intimidate my colleagues, Cutes is definitely expressing her frustrations about having spent the better part of 2009 in a hospital bed.

From her little heart...

From her little heart - 12 x 12 acrylic mixed media collage on deep set canvas.

I've finally returned to my art room after an unplanned hiatus, and this is my first finished piece. To give you an idea of how I create, and the kind of planning that goes into my paintings...I dropped a paintbrush on the floor as I was working on this piece, and saw the watch faces in a box under my table as I bent to pick it up. That's how it ended up as part of this painting. It's very often that simple. It's one of the reasons I like to have art supplies and found objects stored in open containers around me. It looks messy and chaotic, but if they're in my line of sight, and I don't have to break the creative flow to find them, they're more likely to end up in a finished piece.

In other news...
I was interviewed a short time ago by fellow artist and blogger Liz Ness, and the interview has now been published on her blog. Check it out. Liz and I have never met in person, but we've been fans of each other's art and blogs for several years. Take your time when you visit Liz' website and blog (which she maintains with friend and artist Jackie Wood) -- it's full of great artist interviews, digital tutorials, product demos, and a great online store, to name just a few.

A glimpse of summer around my house...

I am really loving the summer this year. Even with all the rain, we've have relatively cool evenings until this week, and I love opening the windows wide and listening to the birds singing outside my windows.

And Cutes (my niece's nickname)is doing well. She's had all of chest tubes removed and is slowly being weaned from pain meds, ventilator, etc. Next week, I have will have a Cutes-related giveaway. Stay tuned!!

Have a good weekend all!

Visualize world peace...

Just a little Photoshop fun. I took one of my recent paintings, and, using a series of filters (which I could never duplicate) this is what happened. Kinda far out and groovy, I think...

I have some exciting art opportunities in the works for the late summer & early fall, but details are still up in the air, so I will refrain from sharing the details for now.

Meanwhile, my niece Avery is back at Status 1A on the heart transplant list. She continues to be weaned from the ventilator and given extra high-calorie feeds to build up her strength. She is still sedated most of each day to give her body time to rest and heal from her most recent procedure (the Berlin heart). Now it's a bittersweet wait for a heart to become available.

Heal...

Heal: 12 x 36, Acrylic & mixed media on deep set canvas

This was a painting I made as a gift for the CICU at Children's Hospital when I last visited. It was late May, but it already seems like ages ago, given all that has happened since then.

I think I may have been hiding a bit behind my sister's "Avery updates" these past few days. I am reluctant to share all the thoughts and emotions that continuously run through my head and heart. It's too close, too much, too fluid. It changes so often that by the time I write something down, it's no longer quite accurate. So instead, I leave you with this confusing jumble of words.

And always, gratitude. For your friendship, thoughts and prayers for my niece and our family.

PS - Avery was awakened very briefly last night -she waved at her mom & dad, wiggled her toes and opened her eyes briefly before falling back into much-needed slumber.

Donate life...spread the word

(Maintaining a blog is so easy when you just lift your sister's entries...)Here's the latest about Cutes...

Hi everyone,
Avery had a good night and is having a good day as well.
Her Bi-VAD (Berlin Heart) is doing all the work it needs to. We started her back on some heparin last evening and will start on some aspirin and either plavix or persantine in a few days.
All of this will be to anticoagulate her blood toward preventing clot and fibrin formation in her Berlin Heart.
On occasion - (not infrequently) - the device needs to be "changed out" if clots or fibrin build up occurs. This would NOT require open heart surgery -they would only change out the "pump heads" which are all external - but they would likely do this in the OR if necessary since they removed Avery's mechanical aortic valve.
As for transplant - Avery is currently a "status 7 - inactive status" on the transplant list. This means we are in a temporary "holding pattern" for transplant in order to optimize her some more following her surgery on Monday.
This is very typical and we were told this would be the case following her surgery for a few days - a very temporary period of time.
Basically - if you are a status 1A and active - you need to be completely ready and prepared at any point a heart should become available to go to the OR. If you are not - then this delays precious time to notify other potential recipients - and this is precious time lost for all.
Avery will likely be re-activated by Friday - and she will return to an "active 1A status" -- thus -- keeping the hours" she has accrued on the list prior to going on "status 7/inactive" - so she starts reaccumulating time immediately.
As for how she is doing today -
She is much less "puffy" then she has been since her surgery on Monday - so the diuretics are doing a great job helping her kidneys to get rid of the extra fluid.
We are weaning slowly on her ventilator - which is great - given all the fluid she still has to lose.
Her nurse placed a feeding tube. We will probably start a very small amount of pedialyte to get her belly used to it and then start ramping up the high test calories in a few days.
Finally - we are planning to do a brief "wake up" test today to briefly see how she responds to us.
Dr. Fynn Thompson is very happy with how she has and continues to do.
As we continue on this journey - and hope, pray...and wait...we would like to ask all of you to spread the word about organ donation.
It is something that is rarely talked about - understandibly - not exactly "life of the party chit chat."
But organ donation is an underappreciated issue - especially when it comes to children donating to children! - despite hundreds of kids (and thousands of adults) whose lives can be saved each day.
If we have learned nothing else over these past 5+ years it is that life takes unexpected turns - and despite our best efforts - we have little control over much of it.
The best we can do - is take what we are faced with and do the best we can - hoping that even in the worst of times - we can somehow make a positive difference.
We will never understand why Avery has had to endure so much - but have full faith she will continue to inspire and teach us for many, many years and get back to her "childhood" - because mom and dad need a break before the adolescent years!
We also do not subscribe to the "every thing happens for a reason" gibberish - because no explanation in the world could make sense of what these kids go through.
But since we cannot change the "why's"...we can at least impact the "what and how" and all make a difference!
So today - tomorrow and whenever you have an eager ear to listen - spread the word about organ donation!
Check your drivers license, talk to your children (if they are old enough to understand

We underestimate what our kids can understand - and sometimes in a much clearer and simpler way.
You never know.... your message could save a life someday!!
xoxox
Cheryl and Mike

First steps...

(the latest excerpt)

Avery came out of the operating room at 11:30pm with her new "Bi-VAD.

Dr. Fynn-Thompson placed both a left and right VAD - so she now has her Berlin Heart pumping her complete pulmonary and cardiac output - another miracle that we have been blessed to receive!

She looks beautiful and is on A LOT of pain medication and sedation - so hopefully - she took our advice and is dreaming of her eventual trip to Disney World, pink elephants and ice cream -- and all other really fun thoughts!!

She has a team of MANY caring for her tonight - it is overwhelming and beyond extraordinary to see the dedication of so many - who stayed with her - WELL beyond their shift in the cardiac OR - led by Dr. Fynn-Thompson who is still here guarding over her and his amazing work!

Avery is stable thanks to the efforts of many and prayers of millions!!
We will send another update tomorrow - but I will end tonights update with the saying in a perfectly beautiful card that we read as Avery's surgical team wheeled her into her room (thanks Bets!! xo)

Only you can create your own path...

when you find it - and set foot on it

step boldly in the direction of what feels right

The first steps can be the hardest

New landscapes

can be astonishingly beautiful.

...Good night sweet beautiful "cutes"
We are ALL here with you - on your new path! xoxo
We love you "to the moon and back"

Cheryl and Mike

Bruchgefahr!

(excerpted from my sister's carepage website this weekend)

Saturday news...
Hi everyone,
Avery had a stable day on ecmo. Nothing new - which is good.
Her chest x-ray looked even a little better than yesterday - so keep the prayers for clear lungs with low pressures coming!!
She is still on schedule to receive her Left Ventricular Assist Device L-VAD) on Monday.
There is a huge black metal box in the hallway with the word "Bruchgefahr!"
in big red letters.
This means "handle with care" in German.
This box contains the artificial heart pump for Avery.
Of course to hear Mike exclaim this in his best German accent is a whole other experience :)
Mike - who vowed he would NEVER carry a beeper - now has his very own - courtesy of the transplant team! This way - we both can be reached anytime -
when the most important call we will ever receive - comes!
We went out for Chinese tonight and my fortune read:
"you will get what your heart desires"
We sure hope so!!
Keep praying!
Here is to a peaceful night with the exception of our phone ringing.
xoxox
Cheryl and Mike


Sunday news...
"From Hungary...to Ghana...to Avery..."

Hi everyone,
Another nice quiet day in the CICU with Avery.
Her chest x-ray is unchanged (which is good)
She is scheduled as "second case" tomorrow for the operating room - which means she probably will not go for surgery until about 12pm. Dr. Fynn Thompson said he wants to be fully available post operatively to monitor her - so this will free him up for the remainder of the day tomorrow.
She looks beautiful today and when I whispered in her ear and asked if she could hear us talking she knodded "no"....:)She is sporting a princess bun with a big pink bow that says "Bruchgefahr"! all over it in hot pink marker with fancy hearts :))
We will keep you posted.
In the meantime - I have placed a couple of links about Avery's surgeon Dr. Fynn Thompson for you to learn a little more about this amazing man.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=5487217&page=1
http://childrensinghana.typepad.com/childrens_hospital_boston/profile-1.html
xoxo
Cheryl and Mike

The latest news about Avery's progress...

"Good Friday"....
(excerpted from my sister's carepage website)

Note: The photo is Avery enjoying the ocean last summer.

Hi everyone,

Avery's chest x-ray this morning had more fluid - so she went to the cath lab today to help decrease her left atrial (upper chamber) pressure that can be causing some of her high lung pressures and fluid (backup)in her lungs.

Dr. Lock dilated the stent between the atria (2 upper chambers) from 7mm up to 10mm.

Our hope is that we can further work on clearing out her lungs over the weekend to place them in the best state possible for her L-VAD (Berlin Heart)on Monday.

Her chest x-ray tonight already looks improved so keep those prayers coming!

Also - as of 2:22pm today - she was officially "Listed" with the UNOS (United Network of Organ Sharing) for a new heart.

She is classified as a status 1a within Region 9 (New England). This includes Ma, RI, NH, Maine, CT, Vt.

Status priority goes from 1A (first priority) to 1B and 2.

As long as Avery is actively listed - she will always be a 1A based on ecmo - or the Berlin Heart.

Children's Hospital is the only pediatric transplant center within the 6 New England states - so she is top priority for this area. While we are not allowed to know who - if anyone - is on the list "before her" - since we have been in the cardiac ICU for months -in the only center that does transplants - we are pretty sure she is in a good spot:)for our region.

Since Avery is O+ - she can only receive a heart from an O+ donor.
This places her at a slight disadvantage if there is a heart that is A, B or AB - HOWEVER -
O+ is the most common blood type - so this balances out her compatibility quotient.

Also - because she can ONLY receive an O+ heart -
if she were waiting among others of the same status (1A) and an O heart became available - she would receive it first- pending the size was appropriate - because she cannot receive any other type.

She can also receive a heart up to a 2,000 mile radius - if she is higher priority than others on the list based on her being on ecmo - or soon to be - the Berlin heart.

As for her right now-

She looks beautiful and is sleeping comfortably.
She was almost wide awake when she came back from the cath lab today - which is somewhat frowned upon - when you are on ecmo - since you do not want to move the cannulas (the tubes in her leg).

She was trying to sit up and put her legs over the bed.
We quickly sedated her and made sure she was comfortable - but not before Dr. Lock stopped in to check on her.
She pointed at him and pointed to the door - basically - throwing him out of the room.

His response:
"It's good to see she still has her senses" :))

Dr. Lock also very kindly offered Mike and I Red Sox/ Yankees tickets for Wed and/or Thursday night.

This was prior to Avery going on to ecmo this week- but such a kind gesture!
We told him we would take a rain check - but thanked him for thinking of us.

(editors note: the "we" in "we told him" was Cheryl)

So - with that said - we will say good night and ask to continue the prayers
"Clear lungs with low pressure" !!

Thank you all xxoxoxox
Cheryl and Mike
"Team Supergirl"

A New Chapter...

This is a reprint written by Avery's parents, from the carepage website they maintain to keep us all informed...

(and the photos are from a trip last year to the Vineyard. Avery loves to play make-believe, and one of her favorite characters is a bossy, but charming waittress, pictured here.)

Hi everyone,
It has been a very long day and we have plenty of news to share with you.
(This will be a long update, but we hope you have a better understanding of everything by the end of it)
First of all, Avery is back on ECMO bypass. She is ok and will be on it for several days.

How did she get there?
As Cheryl mentioned last night, Avery has been very fragile and weak lately and hasn't been getting better.
Late this morning she took a turn for the worse.
As she was sitting in bed, she went into heart failure. Her nurse Lauren hit the code alert button and the ICU team went into action.
One of the doctors immediately started CPR - and it worked.
In fact, Avery woke up during the compressions and actually tried to push the doctor away.
Once she was stable the decision was made to put her back on bypass. Not so much because it was necessary at that very moment, but because she was certainly going to have another episode again soon - so why risk it?
She is stabile and her heart and lungs are getting the support they need right now.

So what's next?
That's why we're calling this update "A New Chapter."
To make a very long story short, Avery will soon be on the list to get a heart transplant.
After nearly two-and-a-half months of struggling with her coronary arteries, Avery's heart simply can't go any further.
In many ways, it's been a miracle to get five-plus years out of the heart she was born with. We are forever grateful to Dr. Delnido and everyone here at Children's for getting her this far.
When she had her biventricular repair back in December, her coronary arteries were removed and put back as part of the procedure.
They have not been the same since, which came as a surprise to all of us because this had never happened before to any of the other biventricular repair patients.
When she had her first coronary episode on March 22 it was simply the first sign of things to come.
Her condition improved - so much in fact that she was about a day or two away from going home.
That's when the second episode hit and, looking back, she's never fully recovered from it.
Add that to the fact that they will surely keep happening and the decision became very clear - it's time for a new plan.
A heart transplant is her best and only option at this point.

So what does that mean?
It's a complicated process, but here's what we're expecting to happen.
Avery will be on ECMO into next week.
From there she will be taken to the operating room (exact day not decided yet) and she will be connected to a VAD (Ventricular Assist Device)
The VAD, which they call a "Berlin heart" (that's where it's made, in Germany) is a portable mechanical device that essentially will do the work for her heart and allow her to rehabilitate until a donor heart is found.

How long will it take to find a donor heart?
Here's how her surgeon Dr. Delnido answered that one:
"I've seen it take as little as six hours and as long as a year-and-a-half."
The bottom line - Avery will be here in the hospital for a very long time.
So, while she waits for a new heart, this "Berlin heart" will basically buy us some time. Kids who have been on it in the past (about 20 here at Children's Hospital in the last five years) have been able to come off the respirator, work out with physical therapy, eat, drink, and some have even been able to ride a bike.
So how long do they think she'll be in the hospital?
It's impossible to guess at this point, but of course, we asked.
Because Avery's condition is so fragile she will be moved to the top of the waiting list once she is formally on it (she has to wait for a small infection to go away in a day or two before she can offically enter the list)
We have been told that for a child in her condition the average wait is about two-to-six months.
They will need to find a heart that has the same blood type as Avery (O positive) and one that is about the same size.
When they find a heart that matches, she'll have the surgery.
So, if they find a heart quickly, she will have a long recovery time afterwards, because she will not have had time to build up strength before the surgery.
If it takes a long time to find a match, her recovery time after the surgery would likely be shorter because she would be in better shape for the surgery.

How are you all doing to this point?
It's a lot to digest - but we're getting near the end.
Once Avery gets a new heart, another whole new chapter will begin that will surely have ups and downs that we can't begin to think about right now.
None of this will be easy - it will be a very, very long road.

Please keep the prayers and support coming!
They've helped us get this far - and we are all very grateful!
As always - Thank You!
Mike, Cheryl and Avery

More miracles please...

This was Avery on Valentines Day of this year, in between her two very long stays in the hospital. She is back on ECMO now, which is just buying her time until she (hopefully) can get a new heart. Her amazing little heart has done all it can and can no longer work on its own.

I just want all of you who visit my blog to know how grateful I am for your kind words, thoughts, prayers and insights for Avery and our family. I know that we are blessed, every minute of every day, and I do not take it for granted.

Miracles happen...

10 x 10 acrylic and mixed media painting on deep set canvas.

My apologies for dropping off the blog-o-sphere for awhile. The warmer months (though they've not been terribly warm so far) bring with them a lot of outdoor chores and activities that consume time I might otherwise spend blogging or painting, or doing any other number of essentially indoor activities.

I finished this painting last night while waiting for a call from my mom about Avery. She needs a miracle these days my friends. In spite of her absolutely fierce determination, which is evidenced daily by her expressions and gestures, she continues to have a tough fight ahead of her. I hope to know more tomorrow, but a heart transplant may be her next hurdle.

Please continue to keep Avery in your hearts, minds and prayers along with her parents and the medical team who are working so hard to get her home and back to a normal little girl's life.

Gratitude and humility...

My friend Marilyn stopped by my office yesterday to hand-deliver a wonderful gift: a group of heart-themed ATCs made for my niece -- the timing is perfect, as I will be traveling with my dad tomorrow to see her. (Marilyn also collaged the house pictured here, in which the ATCs will reside.)

In addition to the beads, glitter, buttons and embellishments that any little girl would love, these very special ATCs also carry messages of hope, love, family, and strength (to name just a few) which brought tears to my eyes, and I am sure they will be treasured by Avery when I share them with her.

Thank you Marilyn, Melanie, Melissa, Lori, Fran, Laura, Sharon, Miriam, Peggy, Roberta, Pam, Linda, Ginger, Elaine, Helen, Tabitha, and Patti. I will carry your thoughts, prayers, wishes and friendship with me on this visit, and everyday.

Warning - I am ranting just a little bit here...

Control issue!? - Me?!

I've discovered recently (or is it again?) that I have one. Actually, I don't think it's an issue at all. I like to be in control - of MY life, MY art, MY decisions. That's all. Is that an issue? I don't think so. I can compromise, but I find that compromise comes easiest to me about things I don't care much about. The things about which I am really passionate and have strong opinions - like my art, my house, or my dog, for example - those are things about which I want to be the sole decision-maker. I don't want to compromise. I don't want to have to meet in the middle, or spend my time doing something out of obligation rather than something born of natural desire.

Of course, I've mentioned in previous posts that I am well aware that control of any sort is an illusion. How often do I get up in the morning and mentally plan how my day will unfold, only to find it doesn't work that way? To some extent, every day. I know that there are a billion details beyond my control - to me, this is another argument to hang on to as much of the illusion as I can.

All this, and yet I consider myself a pretty easy-going person. There are just a few things about which I have become very protective lately. My art - which is coming from a very personal place these days, so I am protective of the source and of the motivation. I want to share it, and I plan to -- but how and when? I just haven't decided yet. And my time - I never have enough to do all that I want. Does anyone??

In the meantime, here are some journal pages from my overnight in the country with Debbie. We also did a collaborative painting, but I forgot to take a photo. (FYI a collaborative painting is definitely a surrender of control!!!)

Footnote: It has been pointed out to me that my recent change in marital status could be part of my current control "thing." It is amazing how quickly one can get used to not having to consult with another human being when making decisions.

The art exhibit...

My friend Marilyn's exhibit opening at the Five Rivers Environmental Center on Saturday was a great beginning to the weekend. After taking in all of the exhibits(Marilyn was one of five artists whose work was on display), I made a nature print at Marilyn's demo table, and then painted a metal heart (for Avery, of course) that I was able to rivet onto a metal sculpture. I love exhibits that allow for some interaction. I would have liked to stay longer to enjoy the hiking trails and see the grounds more thoroughly, but I had lots to do, so I plan to visit again when I can just take some time to walk around with my camera and my journal.

After some much-needed yard work, I headed out to farm country to visit my friend Debbie. I'll be posting the artful results of that visit tomorrow.

Aries, art, artists, friends...

These images are of an owl named Aries, hooooo I may very well meet this weekend... I first learned about him in this blog post by my friend Marilyn, who is having an art exhibit which begins tomorrow at the Five Rivers Nature Preserve, where Aries resides.
When Marilyn first wrote about Aries, she offered a blog challenge to create an altered art image of him. At the time, I was busy with other projects, but I decided to create one today in anticipation of meeting him and seeing Marilyn's exhibit. Clearly, I can't improve on the art of Mother Nature. He's a beautiful and majestic creature.

After the exhibit, I will hit the road with my faithful sidekick Max, and head out to my friend Debbie's, for an overnight of art, food, friends and fun on the farm.

I hope to have pictures of art & adventures to share with you on Monday.
Enjoy the weekend, my friends!

There's no place like home...

Tomorrow, my last heart in the "nine hearts" series (previous post) will be headed to Boston, so I created a new series. This one has an obvious theme. It will carry with it my wish (and all of yours) for Avery's full recovery so that she can go home and resume her normal five-year-old life, with friends, neighbors, swingset, goldfish, a fridge full of Pelligrino and stops by the ice cream man, to name just a few of her favorites. These are just simple pencil sketches on foam core, embellished with buttons & velvet rickrack.

I have also been busy with some new heart paintings, which will make their debut here soon. I need to add just a few finishing touches!

And speaking of Avery, just a quick update:
She continues to amaze her doctors and make progress. Her lungs are improving and her heart has been stable. She may be extubated in the next few days (again), and we hope this is the road to her return home for sure this time!!

Nine hearts.

I made this series one night last week. They're just simple colored pencil sketches on black foam core. I began mailing them to my niece, one a day, with little notes attached to the back.

I used to mail things to my friends and family all the time, before email made it so easy to get in touch in a split second. But I think a little note or gift in the mail is a treat, and I should do it more often. I love to get mail that does not consist of junk and bills, but it's rare these days.

For those who are thinking of and praying for Avery, she's still having some issues with clotting in her lungs. Please continue to send your prayers her way. Thank you

That's what Avery would call an "Ow-y"

In a recent post, I ended with a note about how "I love to feel the earth beneath my feet. Cool, scratchy blades of grass make my toes happy." This is true. I love walking barefoot in summer, but it is not without its perils. A splinter from my deck, a sharp stone under foot - each year, I risk inevitable injury for the pleasure of romping around in shoeless bliss.

This year, my undoing -- yes, I've been undone and it wasn't even May yet! -- was the stump of a dying shrub I cut down late last summer. Now hidden under the grass that filled in around it, I stomped down on it, Max in tow, and promptly fell to the ground, cursing and in considerable pain, with Max tugging at his leash. I now have two sizable wounds in the arch of my right foot, and I'm stocked up on bacitracin and bandaids!

...but this is one lesson I refuse to learn. I will be romping around barefoot on my lawn again in no time. Who knows, maybe I'll find a ground hive!!!

Heart music...

Heart music - 8 x 10 acrylic & mixed media on canvas

This particular heart was inspired by my niece's love of music. She sings and dances with wild abandon, and it is impossible not to smile at such uninhibited joy.

Better news than yesterday...

Save - 10 x 10 acrylic & mixed media on canvas

Which isn't difficult!
Avery's cath doctor - Dr. Locke, admitted he'd painted "a pretty black picture" yesterday. Gee, do ya think?
Anyway, After several hours back in the cath lab today, he put 5 stents in various arteries and reports
that they are working as he had hoped. They even took her off the Echmo bypass to see how it was working
and they were pleased. She is back on Echmo for several days to let her heart rest & gradually work on its
own. All of her other arteries are clear and look good.

In the meantime, the big question is why she keeps clotting (while on blood thinners), so that's what her team
will be focusing on in the coming days.

I want to thank you all again and again for listening, praying, and just generally being there for Avery and Cheryl and Mike and my family. I count you all among my blessings every day.

Aunt Kerri

More about Avery...

Avery continues to be stable overnight. Although 12 hours have passed, I would guess it's still quite imperative that they keep her stable, and the echmo bypass does a percentage of the work of her heart, which I am sure is giving her coronary artery some relief.

Avery's parents will be meeting with her medical team today to decide on the next course of action, as there are still some alternatives, as I understand it.

One big question among everyone - first and foremost my sister - is how her stats could have been good enough to release her when something was so wrong. We don't have an answer to that yet.

FYI The photos above are of Avery enjoying her 5th birthday cupcake last week.

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST FOR AVERY...

As many of you know, my niece was scheduled to go home yesterday, but after some consideration, my sister and the doctors decided not to postpone her catheterization, so the did it this afternoon -- and they have found that her "coronary artery is shot" -- I know very little else because when my mom called with the update she was not able to relay much in a coherent way. Avery is back on Echmo -- which is the temporary bypass machine -- and I have been told that the next 12 hours are critical, because the cardiac cath can cause bleeding, which would be very serious in her current condition. I wish I knew more and will tell you when I do.

So in whatever way you pray, or summon all of the good of the universe, please do so for Avery.

I cannot thank you all enough for all that you have already done for us to make this ordeal bearable.

Home sweet home for Avery...

Just a quick post today to update those of you who've been sending your good wishes to my niece. She is going home today or tomorrow!!! I created a quick digital collage based on one of my paintings, as I did not have time to create an original to anounce this great news!

Touch me...

Peace - 12 x 12 acrylic and mixed media on canvas

I hope that is one of the things my art says to people when they see it -- particularly in person. Perhaps this speaks to the human need for touch and my very personal subject matter; or it could be the endless array of textures in our wonderfully sensory universe that invite us to hold and touch and feel -- or a combination of these. I am most satisfied with my art when it is not just a visual experience but a tactile one as well.

On a similar note, the weather has turned warm - very warm - very fast, and I have the urge to walk barefoot in the grass. I love to feel the earth beneath my feet. Cool, scratchy blades of grass make my toes happy.

Leap...

Grateful heart - 6 x 9 acrylic & mixed media on MDF

Last week, I listed a whole bunch of things I wanted to get done during one two-day weekend. It was completely unrealistic, but more than that, it was really out of order in terms of where my priorities were, and where they should be -- I had listed primarily a bunch of house chores and spring cleaning, and at the very end -- the very last item was "stock up on canvasses and paint hearts."

Fortunately, a fellow artist pointed out that it should be at the top of the list -- and of course she was right. Her observation stopped me in my tracks because it was so obvious. For months (and months) I have been lamenting my lack of artistic inspiration and patiently (and then not so patiently) waiting for its return. And when it finally returns, with great momentum, I decide to clean my house, and even to dismantle my art room and re-arrange???? What's up with that??? It really made me ask myself why I would deiberately put obstacles in the way of my art-making. At first I didn't have an answer. I was just grateful that it was brought to my attention so that I could stop myself from self-sabatoge.

But the truth is that I know the answer. It's fear. Of the unknown. Of success. Of change. Of where this path may lead. It may require work, and sweat, and diving into uncharted waters.

I can't totally stop myself from feeling this way. But I hope that by being more aware will help me to step back, and take a deep breath and then... leap!

Twenty one days...

Wish upon a star - 8 x 10 acrylic & mixed media on canvas

Research shows that it takes 21 days to develop a new habit. I was thinking last night as I finished this piece that I am now is such a good routine of showing up each night to create. It occurred to me this morning that it's probably been a few weeks since I painted that first heart...and when I checked back at my previous posts, tomorrow will be exactly 21 days. I now wake up each morning and make sure my art room is ready to go for evening -- fresh water in my paint bucket, canvasses prepped, paints stocked -- because I awake already eager to return to my art.

How many good habits could we develop if we just commit to the 21-day theory? It seems too easy, really, but we could accomplish some amazing things if it works even some of the time. Twenty-one days goes by fast. Of course, all that said, for now I am just going to continue to paint. It's still a new enough habit that I don't want to disrupt the flow... and occasionally I'll fit in one of those items on my spring to-do list.

Believe...

Believe: 5 x 7 acrylic & mixed media on canvas board

Since her birth five years ago today,
my niece Avery has made us believe...

in miracles,
in love,
in the amazing generosity of friends,
in the amazing generosity of strangers,
in the strength of family,
in perseverence,
in the resilience of the human body,
in the powerful spirit of a little girl,
in what is important... and what is not.

Happy birthday Cutes!!
I believe in YOU!!

Where did the weekend go?

Original heart: 8 x 10 acrylic and mixed media on canvas board

As anyone with a concept of time could guess, I barely made a dent in my overly ambitious to do list, but one of my very wise friends reminded me that it will all still be there tomorrow (thanks FP!). And of course, it is!

I decided that I am not going to pull the carpet in my art room until I have 2-3 days in a row to spend making it right (so when will that be????). For one thing, I've been on a creative roll with my painting, so I don't want to wreck the space in which I paint and displace myself for any length of time. When I do this, I want to do it from start to finish in as short a time as possible...yes I can hear you all laughing (when will she learn??)

So for now, I will be happy that my winter clothes are packed away for another season, and thanks to my sister, who had a closet full of fabulous cast-offs, I have an entire new spring wardrobe --capris, dresses, shorts & sandals. (thanks Jesse)

And if all that wasn't enough, my niece Avery continues her amazing recovery. She's making laps several times a day on her unit, and she's eating solid food and gaining weight. She's still terribly thirsty and has to deal with a host of discomforts, but she scowls and voices her displeasure with great vigor!

My springtime to do list...

Express - 8 x 10 acrylic and mixed media on canvas board.

The list I have compiled for this weekend is sooooo long that I don't have a prayer of finishing it this month, let alone this weekend. But there is something about the first few really warm, sunny spring days that makes me think I can do it all in two days.

Here are just a few of the highlights:
Take down spring summer clothes from attic
Pack up winter clothes for attic
Donate unused clothing to goodwill
Prepare for snowstorm that is bound to follow such optimism
Rake grass & tidy garden
Touch up paint on split rail fence
Empty studio space, pull up paint-stained studio carpet & expose hardwood
Re-arrange studio space & clean out unused art materials
Donate unused materials before changing mind
Stock up on canvasses & paint hearts

And this list doesn't include the regular weekend errands, like Sat. am breakfast with my dog-walking buds, grocery shopping, laundy, walking max, cleaning house etc.

So, no doubt, something is bound to give. But right now, I believe I can do it all!!!

Footnote: Thank you to all who sent good wishes and hugs on my day of tears. I really needed that!! And it truly helped!!

A blubbering fool I am...

Hearts fly: 8 x 10 acrylic & mixed media on canvas board

I am in a bit of a funk today. Most days, I take what's dished out as well as the next person, but every now and then, the weight of my worries and my life and sadness just gets the best of me. I had a good cry this morning, and thought that would be the end of it, but sometimes when I let the flood gates open, it floods. And that seems to be what's happened today. Everything I see, and read, and feel is bringing me to tears --happy tears, sad tears, sentimental tears. Pathetic. Not a good way to go about work.

And this video was one of them.

Competing passions...and an Avery update...

Support - 10 x 10 acrylic and mixed-media on canvas.

I wish this artistic frenzy that I am in these days had hit me back in the cold, dark days of winter, although I am grateful that it has returned at all!!! And winter is such a time of hybernation that it was natural in some way. But now, I want to be outside gardening & soaking up some early spring sun and inside painting at the same time. I am sure I will find a balance (that's my Libra talking). The paintings need time to dry, so I am really learning to multi-multi-task... prep some canvasses, paint some, go outside and rake, come in and paint some more, go walk Max, etc.

About Avery...
For all of you who've sent notes and prayers and well-wishes and inquires, Avery was extubated earlier this week, which is HUGE in the world of her recovery. In addition to the fact that it means that she's doing most of her breathing with no assistance, it also means she can sip water and just generally be more comfortable. After seven open heart surgeries and several long hospital stays, it's always the intubation that she remembers -- and not fondly! Her meds are being decreased, her feeds/calories increased, and she's out of bed daily for physical therapy, so I thank you all, over and over, for your thoughts, prayers, and wishes. Right now, she's also enjoying a visit from her Poppy and Aunt Jesse, who brought her a Nintendo DS, so she is very excited!!

The measure of a heart...

Measure of a heart - 10 x 10 acrylic and mixed media on canvas.

This painting is a good example of perseverence. I started this with one series of colors, which I hated, and had to keep painting over (and over) until I could live with it, and then, eventually, I actually liked it. This often happens when I push out of my red/green/gold comfort zone and try new colors. They don't come as easily to me, so there's more trial an error. But that lends a depth to this piece that I really like...and you'd all be able to appreciate it more if I wasn't such a lousy photographer... which I would not be if I could muster the slightest interest in opening the manual to my now three-year old digital camera. Which I can't seem to muster. It just makes my head hurt.

Speaking of which, I have to call my mortgage company...again. That's a story for another day...righting so many wrongs this year!

Hearts in blue...

Hearts grow, 10 x 10 acrylic and mixed media on canvas


Hearts growl, 10 x 10 acrylic and mixed media on canvas

Although I have not remotely tired of painting hearts these days, I wanted to try a different color palette, and these colors remind me of early spring, when the browns of winter start to fade and robins begin to nest and lay their signature blue eggs. The second piece is a particular nod to my niece, who growls her frustrations at the doctors and nurses when she is intubated and cannot communicate with words. Her growl is always a sign that she's on the mend.

As always, thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers and words of encouragement for my niece and my family, as well as for my art. I am able to face each day with renewed hope and courage in no small part because of each of you.

Trio of hearts - 2

This is my last post until at least Monday, friends, as I am headed to Boston to visit my niece and her parents in the hospital. I will bring with me all of your thoughts and prayers and wishes for her speedy and complete recovery. She is "moving forward" as my sister reported to us, which is of course the direction in which we want her to move, so that is very encouraging!!

I wish you all happy, healthy, peaceful holidays.

Here is my latest trio of paintings. These are "itty-bitties" at only 4 inches square. Tonight I hope to get out of my comfort zone with colors -- these dark reds and golds and greens are my signature colors, and I seem to end up with the same palette even when I think I am trying something different, so this will be a challenge for me.


Realize - 4 x 4 spackle, acrylic & mixed-media on canvas


Adore - 4 x 4 spackle, acrylic & mixed-media on canvas


Cherish - 4 x 4 spackle, acrylic & mixed-media on canvas

Trio of hearts

My niece continues to make progress in the cardiac unit at Children's Hospital in Boston, and as long as she is there, and perhaps for much longer, as the muse dictates, I will be painting hearts. It is my way of staying in the moment and sending all of my positive energy to her, as there's really not much else I can do. I have primed and prepped a variety of different canvasses in assorted sizes, and these three are the latest. I wanted to work on a few bigger square canvasses, but these dried first...


Wonder - 5x7 - spackle, acrylic, oil pastel mixed media on canvas board


Make a Wish - 5x7 - spackle, acrylic, oil pastel mixed media on canvas board

Heal - spackle, acrylic, oil pastel mixed media on canvas board

Nothing but hearts...

With my almost five-year-old niece Avery back in the hospital, recovering from complications following her most recent open-heart surgeries to repair a congenital defect, it shouldn't be surprising that hearts (or more specifically, her heart) are just about all I can think of these days, so for the foreseeable future, that is what I am painting. This painting includes a collaged calendar fragment of the month of April, which marks her birthday.


April Heart - 16 x 20, acrylic & mixed media collage on canvas.


April Heart - detail

Today, among the many, many things for which I am eternally grateful, are all of you who continue to send your thoughts, prayers and positive energy to my niece. I cannot begin to tell you how much it means to me and my family, not to mention how much it helps Avery. I believe it makes all the difference. Thank you.

Peace...

10 x 10 acrylic, oil pastel & collage on canvas.

I challenged myself recently (with the encouragement of this friend to paint on some larger canvases (16 x 20). It was really out of my comfort zone but I completed four pieces and then bought two even larger canvasses (18 x 24) -- although I have not started them yet -- but the fact that I purchased them means that I will continue to push myself from time to time. That said, my new favorite size is 10 x 10 square. I love the symmetry of the square, and the surface size just seems to work for me. This is my latest piece, which evolved over several weeks. I began with the color blocks, then defined the shapes in black pastel, and only yesterday added the stamped swirls, peace sign and letters -- which actually cover over another word that just didn't work for me. I'm glad I let it sit for awhile so that I could revisit it now and then and decide what it needed.

And today I am grateful for peace--
...a peaceful day for Avery and her parents
...the peace I feel when I spend time outdoors observing nature
...peace of mind that all my bills are paid
...the sense of peace I get when I am creating - painting, writing, working with my hands and heart and mind
...that I live in a peaceful place with the best of family, friends and neighbors