Thursday, April 23, 2009
Grateful heart - 6 x 9 acrylic & mixed media on MDF
Last week, I listed a whole bunch of things I wanted to get done during one two-day weekend. It was completely unrealistic, but more than that, it was really out of order in terms of where my priorities were, and where they should be -- I had listed primarily a bunch of house chores and spring cleaning, and at the very end -- the very last item was "stock up on canvasses and paint hearts."
Fortunately, a fellow artist pointed out that it should be at the top of the list -- and of course she was right. Her observation stopped me in my tracks because it was so obvious. For months (and months) I have been lamenting my lack of artistic inspiration and patiently (and then not so patiently) waiting for its return. And when it finally returns, with great momentum, I decide to clean my house, and even to dismantle my art room and re-arrange???? What's up with that??? It really made me ask myself why I would deiberately put obstacles in the way of my art-making. At first I didn't have an answer. I was just grateful that it was brought to my attention so that I could stop myself from self-sabatoge.
But the truth is that I know the answer. It's fear. Of the unknown. Of success. Of change. Of where this path may lead. It may require work, and sweat, and diving into uncharted waters.
I can't totally stop myself from feeling this way. But I hope that by being more aware will help me to step back, and take a deep breath and then... leap!