Friday, October 13, 2006

Studio Friday - FEAR!!!

This week's topic for Friday October 13th suggested by Casey: FEAR!
"I have been away from Studio Friday for a while, and I really struggled with the toot your own horn topic. It actually made me do some free-writing and I thought of another topic that might be helpful for some of the studio friday artists: Fear.




On the lighter side, I am afraid that my studio will never be big enough, and I fear I will eventually run out of paper or gel medium or glue dots, which is totally unrealistic given all the stuff in my crowded room.

I could also talk about fear of the blank page or artist's block but right now, it's about so much more than that for me. It's a topic I am grappling with all the time these days. Being in my 40s has been a real turning point in how I spend my time - an awakening of sorts, to how fast life is flying by. I truly can't believe I'm in my 40s. Just yesterday, I was in my 20s with time to waste, and then, where did my 30s go? In my 40s, I am impatient. I am much less tolerant of chores and things and people who waste my time. This may sound cruel, but it's not meant to be. It's really just prioritizing.
I just finished a book entitled "The Moth Diaries" by Rachel Klein. It's the story of a diary kept by a teenage girl at boarding school, and in one passage a character says "You wake up one day and you're just like them -- amazed not to have lived the life you imagined you would. Do you think anyone is satisfied at the end?"
...and that is my biggest fear... that I will wake up one day, much older, having spent 21,900 hours doing laundry, and 6,240 hours cleaning house, and 63,000 hours at the wrong job, and I will regret that I didn't spend all those hours more meaningfully, .. and that's assuming I am lucky enough to grow old....
And then I iimmediately feel miserably ungrateful, because I really do have a great life - a wonderful husband, a beautiful little home, a great job, good friends and family, my health. But still, I fear not spending the time I have from this point forward on the really important things - my family, friends, creativity, health, community.
For those of you with children, you may feel differently. Raising a child, putting another human being on this planet, is to me the ultimate sacrifice and also the ultimate gift to humanity (well, sometimes.) But I chose not to take that path, and while I don't regret it, I wonder, then -- what is my purpose, and is what I do ever enough?
...Incidentally, I didn't really have any artwork in my studio that illustrates this theme, so I am posting a note that a friend slipped under my door at work one day when I was talking to my creative coach on the phone. She's really a very supportive friend with a scathing wit.

I also love the website www.despair.com, which plays fun at those motivational posters with de-motivational products. I love this kind of humor and these things never cease to amuse me... I tried to post a few of my favorite posters, but they must have it blocked, or I am an idiot... (entirely possible, and I'm sure they have a poster for it!)... so here are the links to my favorites, related to this theme...

regret

fear

failure

7 comments:

Going For Greatness said...

hey Kerri! great post today on this topic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I catagorise a lot of the things you mentioned as 'worries' rather than blatent fears though I suppose a worry that you worry long enough eventually DOES become a fear, right?!
Excellent things you brought up here that really make me THINK!! *YIKES* here I am at 38 and have I lived life to it's FULLEST? *sigh* I dunno... I think I have .. but then I wonder if I haven't! I have SO many things I want to accomplish and I feel like I am just at the beginning of my 'adult' life ( I feel like I'm a perpetual 18 year old, honest to goodness!!
Well.. great take on this week's topic ! I will check out those links. I think you and I have a similar sense of humor and I LOVE it!
MUAHAHAHAHH!
have a fearless weekend!
~Gabi

Going For Greatness said...

ps- My creative coach can beat up YOUR creative coach! na na na na na!! LMAO!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm having a good snort and giggle at your post. The friendly note is a classic!!

Anke Martin said...

The note is funny! Good to have such freinds who support. Time flies and it goes fast when you have kids. But it's worth every day. But a lot of times I can't track of certain happenings and they slip my mind which I would have love to keep....I guess that's life.

Sydney Harper said...

I love that note and I got a giggle out of your post! I've never been very tolerant of things that waste my time, but they seem to come along.

Amy Farrier said...

thanks for visiting my site! and i sympathize with your studio fears. making a conscious effort to live a meaningful life is a tough one...those loads of laundry and daily life will go on getting in the way. coming from a nonprofit background where i helped people on a daily basis, i find myself asking questions about how much my creative efforts are doing for others...

Anonymous said...

That note made me laugh out loud: wow! Loved the whole post, and as a mother/artist, let me tell you we parents have a whole different world of fears at which you can probably only guess (lucky you)! No one gets away fear-free, alas. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and humor!