Self-discovery

 

I have been experimenting a bit --  combining my illustrations with my mixed media heart paintings, in a digital re-mix of sorts. I really like the results, and it is funny how I can find an illustration and then a heart painting that seem to just go together. 

I learned something about myself this week. It is at the heart of my struggles with finding my next life. I had dinner with friends on Sunday -- friends I have know for almost two decades -- friends with whom I worked for most of the last twenty years. I was telling them about my "adjustments" at my new job. And one of them asked me, "Well, would you prefer a job that was incredibly exciting and challenging, but didn't have the security of the job you had now?" My response was, "Well, I don't want to be working until 7 pm every night." Let's ignore the fact that this wasn't even an answer to her question. The most interesting part was that it is a lie. And I didn't even know it at the time...

Later in the week, I was talking to my sister, and I told her about this conversation, and she said "But the best week of work youv'e had so far, you were working until 7 pm. I called you one night when you were still at work, and you sounded awesome." And she's right, of course. I was challenged. I was engaged. I was problem-solving. 

But why did it take someone else to point out that obvious fact about ME?! If I am that unaware of what really brings me satisfaction, then it's no wonder I've been miserable lately.

And I also discovered another related truth during this conversation -- I don't mind working longer hours, but I also want flexibility. If I do work until 7 pm, when necessary, I'd like the option of coming in late, or leaving early another day. I have great difficulty with rigid time constraints.

Such valuable information about my next life ... challenging, engaging, flexible. That's a start.