In 50 days, I will turn fifty. Millions (billions?) have done it before me, but I will only do it once, and it is a HUGE number for me. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, fifty screams with absolute certainty that I am no longer young.
Overall, I have enjoyed aging, and I have had more fun in my 40s than any other decade, so it is not about youth per se, because that is so obviously wasted on the young. It is about running out of time.
It is about not wanting to squander a single moment of this life that goes by in the blink of an eye. I think about what I will leave behind, besides a whole lot of unfinished projects, unused art supplies and wine corks.
I have no children – so how will I be remembered – or will I, at all – and for how long? And why is it important to me, because I know that it is.
I want my life to have meant something. I want to leave behind something of worth and beauty – a story, a work of art – something.
So, at almost 50, I am in a mad dash to figure out what that is, and to do it.
3 comments:
Hello my dear. Fifty is a wonderful age to be. Sort of like a "rite of passage" to truly be yourself. Years ago my husband (the black and white engineer) showed me his shop ruler. He ran it out to about 80 inches and showed me where he was at the time and how much of the ruler was already gone and how few inches were left. I hated his ruler and how it gave a visual to our finite time here on earth. Leaving a legacy is such an overwhelming thought to me. I merely bump along in my simple world trying to be kind to others. I do sincerely hope you find your "something". I believe life is backwards. We spend all our years learning and doing and gaining knowledge and experiences and memories to do what?...die? Well there just has to be more for us so I carry on and live my simple life and be as happy as possible and kind to others. This is too heavy for a Sunday evening my dear. Let's enjoy Creative Bliss and make fabulous artsy things! I am looking at your "Believe" Heart Art canvas you made for me so many years ago and I am smiling! P.S. I think you have a lovely niece who adores her Auntie Kerrie and that is precious!
I think our journey in the second half of life has different tasks than the first half. Sounds like you are asking good questions as you approach this next stage in life. Welcome to the club!
Your life "means" something to many people….your footprint has traveled over many hearts….the important thing here is to keep doing what you're doing and you will "leave behind" more than you will ever imagine!!!
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