Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Acknowledging fear...

As I begin to devote my time and energy to the business of art, I am forced to stare my fears in the face.

Up until very recently, I believed I should ignore my fears rather than admit to them. I thought that admitting I was afraid would feed my fears, and give them power. But I've found out that the opposite is true.

So I've been asking myself, "What are you really afraid of?" I had thought that my biggest fear was of failure. Obviously, I don't want to fail at my dream of making a living as an artist. I want enough success to sustain me, my artistic soul, my home, and my life.

But what I found as I listened to myself (those voices in my head) is that even bigger than my fear of failure was a fear of success. I am taking an e-class by Kelly Rae Roberts, called Flying Lessons, and I am keeping a journal as I follow this amazing e-book, and this is what poured out one night, while working on Part I...

"My biggest fear is that I will outgrow my current life -- that my dreams will grow too big for this little, safe, comfortable place that I inhabit in the world. And my other biggest fear is that because of that fear, I won't try hard enough. I will squash my dreams and silence them until they die. Until I die."

And now that I've acknowledged these fears, it's not nearly as scary. I still have moments of doubt, but now that have owned up to it, I see it coming. And I am dealing with it, rather than letting it crush me.

(PS - Thank you for your friendship and supportive comments - particularly lately - I have needed it more than I may show. I am so fortunate and grateful to know you all.)

You see, I love this little space I occupy in the world. (Front porch, September 2013).


Marilyn J. Rock said...

I know there's fear with change, Kerri, and I'm so happy you're taking Kelly Rae's class. I understand it's extremely helpful and inspirational.

Just know that, I for one, absolutely have NO fear about what you are pursuing. I see this time as an opportunity for you to deal with your true, self, your true talents and abilities. You are so spontaneously artistic and creative, I have no doubts (never did) that you will be a success. I've felt it all along from the first day I met you!

Between your artistic skills, your writing skills, your sense of humor - - you WILL achieve your dream.

Keep your dream alive and soon you will be living it!

Love ya! M
PS I adore your autumnal decor on your porch! It looks awesome! xxoo

fran pascazio said...

Ditto to what Marilyn has written....Kerri, your dreams can grow - the bigger the better and your "safe place" will always be there...that is who you are. Anyway, we want to say "Kerri Jean, that talented artist you see everywhere - yes, I know her - personally"....you have to do this for us, too! :-}

PS: That picture of your front porch should be in CL or on "Porch Sitters of America" on FB.....it beautiful!

Createology said...

Oh my dear Kerri Jean...this is such an important post and one that describes how I have allowed myself to stay in the background for so long. Fear of success is such an unknown entity. Fear of failure is always with us. I have full faith in you and your artistic talents and abilities and your amazing spirit. Marilyn and Fran have said it well. Be brave my friend...show us success and all that you will enjoy while pursuing your art. P.S. I would sit on that porch with you and just enjoy being in the moment! Blessings and Creative Bliss...