Up until very recently, I believed I should ignore my fears rather than admit to them. I thought that admitting I was afraid would feed my fears, and give them power. But I've found out that the opposite is true.
So I've been asking myself, "What are you really afraid of?" I had thought that my biggest fear was of failure. Obviously, I don't want to fail at my dream of making a living as an artist. I want enough success to sustain me, my artistic soul, my home, and my life.
But what I found as I listened to myself (those voices in my head) is that even bigger than my fear of failure was a fear of success. I am taking an e-class by Kelly Rae Roberts, called Flying Lessons, and I am keeping a journal as I follow this amazing e-book, and this is what poured out one night, while working on Part I...
"My biggest fear is that I will outgrow my current life -- that my dreams will grow too big for this little, safe, comfortable place that I inhabit in the world. And my other biggest fear is that because of that fear, I won't try hard enough. I will squash my dreams and silence them until they die. Until I die."
And now that I've acknowledged these fears, it's not nearly as scary. I still have moments of doubt, but now that have owned up to it, I see it coming. And I am dealing with it, rather than letting it crush me.
(PS - Thank you for your friendship and supportive comments - particularly lately - I have needed it more than I may show. I am so fortunate and grateful to know you all.)
|You see, I love this little space I occupy in the world. (Front porch, September 2013).|