Life is not linear...

It is not a neat and tidy progression in one direction. This is not a major revelation, of course, but I think sometimes, with clocks to measure time, and calendars to count the days and weeks and months and years, we expect a linear journey...and then we are reminded that it really doesn't work that way.



I had every intention of posting an update after my niece was released from the hospital in January... we celebrated Christmas on Valentine's day and our hearts were full of gratitude for her homecoming. In a very short time, Avery was back in preschool and life for her and her parents regained some normalcy...



But before I got around to posting that wonderful post, Avery was admitted to the hospital again this weekend, where she was treated for dehydration and the formation of some blood clots in her heart. She is now stable, but she may remain in the hospital for a couple of weeks while they monitor her and try to figure out exactly what happened. We may never know. Avery is a pioneer, in many ways, so there is little precedent for the journey to a strong, healthy heart, that she is traveling. I just wanted to thank all of you who've kept her in your hearts and minds and ask that you continue to do so as we all travel this journey full if twists and turns that is life.

My artistic equivalent of a welcome mat...

I love the look of a well-used, (well-loved) art space. It makes me smile and welcomes me to kick off my shoes, turn on my music and get my hands (and sometimes feet) dirty. Yes, my feet. I noticed this morning that I had black gesso on my big toe from dropping a paintbrush last night. Better black gesso than gangrene! And an obvious hazard of painting barefoot - if you tend to drop things as I do.

Although I like some neatness and organization, I have discovered that if my art space is too neat, it discourages me a bit from creating because I know that I will be making it messy. So I usually exist in a happy medium of somewhat organized chaos, like this picture suggests, with just enough space in the middle for a canvas.

And as a footnote, I have decided to include a note of gratitude at the end of each blog post,(until I forget to do so, which is bound to happen) in addition to my gratitude journal...

I am grateful for: a welcoming place to make art every day!

AND THE WINNER...

OF THE GRATITUDE GIVEAWAY IS...
DJ - !!!!
In addition to what was in the box when I posted the original giveaway picture, I am also including a small mixed-media piece that I have created recently (but not yet posted). I have sent an email requesting your mailing address DJ!

Enough --
10 x 10 mixed media: spackle, acrylic paint & collage on canvas


Thank you all for leaving such wonderful comments about all for which you are grateful. Not surprisingly, family, friends, good health and this amazing blogging community were among the many things we do not take for granted. That many of you also mentioned my blog meant a great deal to me. I blog for so many reasons, and from the beginning, I was unprepared for how rewarding this would be on a personal level -- sharing some of my art and observations and getting so much in return from each of you. Your comments, your blogs, your enthusiasm, your art...I could go on and on. I am grateful for the technology that makes this big ol' world smaller and more intimate than I would have expected when I began this journey.

For this reason, I chose a second name as a runner-up who will also receive a small mixed-media piece that I have created recently. (I made a lot of art this weekend!) And that winner is... SAUCY CHICK SHERRY...
And I have to say, I was thrilled to choose your name Sherry, as you mentioned in your comment that mine was the first blog you ever viewed -- but more remarkably, that you have continued to return all this time. Wow. I an so humbled by this. Thank you! Sherry - please email me at kerri.posson@nysna.org with your address so that I can send your art piece.

Stay tuned...
Later this week I will be sharing a new journal project in which I am involved. It's based on a brand new book by my creative coach, and it promises to be a great adventure!!

Red.

The title of my latest mixed-media painting. Also, that time of the month. (TMI??) I don't care. I'm in that kind of mood today. I think the muse has returned because I am becoming more myself. It's a process over which I have little control. Or perhaps I could control it but I no longer want to. I'm being very honest today. Not that my blog is a lie, but it's fairly heavily edited. I am usually careful to share only so much of myself in such a public forum. And I usually choose to share the good parts -or at least what I think are the safe parts. Not too revealing. Not too emotional. Not too personal. Not too mean. Not too sad. Not too petty. But you know what? Sometimes I am mean, and petty and sad and miserable. And during a week like this, I can be all of those things for half an hour, and then I am calm, and peaceful and fairly happy. For another half hour. And then who knows???

So that's where I'm at today. Right now. This minute. And I love every RED, manic, crazy, juicy minute of this life. And then I hate it. And then I love it. again.

Red. 16 x 20, mixed-media acrylics & collage on canvas.

Gratitude giveaway!!

As a follow-up to yesterday's post about my gratitude journal, I decided to assemble a box of goodies* for one lucky blog reader. Among the many things I am grateful for is the fact that anyone bothers at all to stop in and read this thing, so I want to say thanks to all of you. Just leave a comment about something for which you are grateful between now and 5 pm on Thursday, March 12.
On Friday, March 13, with much fanfare and probably some wine, I will ask a friend to pull a name out of a hat or shoe or something, and I will post the name of the winner, and arrange for shipment. ...I will probably add a few things between now and then too!
If you are unable to leave a comment, feel free to email me. My email address can be found by clicking the link at the right for "View my complete profile" and then clicking the email link.

*So far, the box includes a set of rubber stamps by Hero Arts, a fleece throw, a handmade memo board with easel, incense, chopsticks, and an assortment of art & craft supplies.

A glimpse of gratitude

Here is a glimpse of my first gratitude journal, which is almost full. What a great feeling to have a book full of gratitude!
It was so satisfying and therapeutic to keep this journal as it made me look back on each day, even the not so fabulous ones, and find the good parts...and there were always good parts, even in the midst of worry and stress and occasional heartache. I found that there are always dozens of things to be grateful for in an ordinary day, and ending even a bad day by trying to find the best parts meant that I took good thoughts with me into slumber...which in turn would carry forth to the next day.

This particular journal began as an altered book. It was an old book, so the spine is wonky and I had to glue groups of pages together for stability. I also began by embellishing each page with just a bit of art -- mostly paints, rubber stamps, doodles and decorative borders. Just enough color and texture so that picking it up is a celebration of sight and touch. It invites gratitude, I think. If you've been wanting to venture into the world of journaling, but want to start with small steps, I encourage you to begin with a gratitude journal. It's remarkably easy and uplifting. I like altered books as journals because the pages are already filled and I find the text-filled backgrounds less intimidating than plain white pages, but just pick a book (or make a book) that feels good to you. I don't impose too many rules for myself when I embark on this kind of project. I didn't have a set number of items for which I should be grateful, and I didn't do it everyday. Some days I was just bubbling over with gratitiude - like when my niece was on the mend from her recent surgeries. Other days I did it because my day had seemed so awful, and I wanted to pull myself out of a bad mood -- and it worked every time. Consciously reminding myself of my blessings made them multiply, it seemed. Really, I was just making myself more aware - it was a great exercise in living more joyfully.

Ebb and flow...

I think there is a natural ebb and flow to the creative process -- much like the tides - the pull of the moon - the seasons - joy and sorrow - wakefulness and sleep. Nature's rhythms are at work all the time, and though we cannot see them, we are always responding to these powerful forces around us. For this reason, it is important to pay attention to our urges and desires. If we listen closely, they are telling us what we need. My friend, artist Marilyn Rock, commented in my last post that "these breaks in creativity are necessary." While I found my period of artlessness frustrating and even scary at times, I think she's right. I tried to force it a few times, and the results were just that -- forced. I was not engaged in the process and therefore the product was unsatisfying -- not good or bad -- but not from that magical place where creativity just bursts forth.

Above is last night's painting. I cannot tell you the last time I spent two consecutive evenings for hours just painting. I wanted to create another study in texture, but I did not prep the canvasses in advance, so the textured canvasses are still drying, and this was a study in layering color and form.

Mystery : 16 x 20 mixed media painting: acrylics & plastic lizard adhered w/ beeswax

The muse seems to have returned...

After a long period of artlessness, I had a strong urge to return to my art room late yesterday afternoon and paint. I took a brief break to walk Max and have a bite to eat, and worked well into the evening. Since I rise early each day to walk Max and begin my day, I try not to stay up too late, but it was almost midnight when I put down my paintbrush. I was playing a lot of country and bluegrass music, which must have made its way into the painting that resulted. I had absolutely no intention when I began this piece except to keep my brush moving and play with texture and color, so I was surprised to step back and see the finished piece, with its barnlike colors and feel. The evening flew, and I felt exhilarated to have finally broken through my inertia of the past few months. I cannot wait to get home tonight and paint again.

When I thought about it, I was surprised to find, if I really asked myself what took so long, that there was an underlying fear about returning to my art. What if I have no inspiration? What if I just can't do it? What if it's bad? All the old fears fell away when I just decided to move the brush and let go of thinking about it so much.

Wind: 16 x 20 mixed media painting: acrylics, spackle, tissue, & found objects on canvas

A project using Claudine's sticky-back canvas...

During a collaborative art day with my friends Marilyn and Laura late in the fall, my contribution was this miniature tryptich/wall hanging which begins with pieces of roof flashing and Claudine Hellmuth's sticky-back canvas, from her line of Ranger products. I used various inks, rubber stamps, and embellishments on the canvas before adhering it to the flashing and assembling the hanging.

Gratitude today, for:

Avery's continued progress (next stop will be home, hopefully this week!)
A new cd - Zac Brown Band (Chicken Fried - I love that song!)
Pic from my friend Marilyn's 60th birthday party (see here)
Lingerie sale at Macys - $9.99 bras - that's only $5 a cup!!
White broccoli lasagna, friends & family (for dinner tonight)
...and so many things too numerous to list. I am wealthy, blessed.

A visit with "Cutes"...

My niece Avery continues to make great progress, and we are very hopeful that she'll be out of the cardiac ICU this week and in a regular room, which is the next step before she (and her parents) gets to go home.

I visited with my dad & sister Jennifer this weekend, and we were thrilled to see her REAL personality, which has been subdued by the slow healing process until now...and subdued is not an adjective that would normally describe Avery -- even when she's sleeping.

Fortunately, the Avery we saw was mischievous, cute, giggly, short-tempered, funny, thirsty, amused, affectionate, determined, sarcastic, thoughtful, demanding, dramatic, feisty, bossy, and adorable, to name just a few. (Oh, and amazing. Really. And I'm not just saying that because I'm her aunt.)

Just art!

Here's a journal page exercise that I created about a month ago when I got together with my friends Laura and Marilyn. Laura "prompted" us to cut out magazine faces and then have fun doodling around them.

I am off to visit my niece at Children's Hospital (Boston) this weekend, so this post is brief.

Thank you all for your caring and inspiring comments. Your words are a source of strength and comfort and sheer joy!!

This year.

Pick one word.

Another year. gone.
Along with 35 extra pounds.
And one husband. (and his recliner).
And a heap of emotional baggage.
I only accomplished goal number one on my list of 7 from last year, but somehow I still feel as though I achieved a great deal -- perhaps because goal number one was such a big one:

To be healthy and strong- both mentally and physically.That was it.

And I am.
Words are powerful. Declarations. Goals. Intentions.Whatever you call them, when you say them, or write them down with conviction, and take the slightest step toward them, they materialize.

With that said, my big goal for this year is to get my financial house in order. My house. My last name (Stabile, by the way). My life.
Last year, I discovered the blog of Christine Kane, who suggested picking just one word as your touchstone for the year. I did make a list of goals as well, but I liked the simplicity of just one word and how it could be so powerful in guiding one's intentions. Last year, I chose the word health. And it worked.

My word for this year is WEALTH. I am not just referring to financial wealth, although right now that would be refreshing -- but wealth as it relates to friends, neighbors, love, family, opportunity, and abundance...not just money but the real richness of life. But if I am to be completely honest, then also money, as it relates to security and the ability live a richer, fuller life.

Beyond that, I will also revisit some of the other goals I listed last year.

(Atwork featured are sections of two acrylic and mixed media paintings in progress.)

This is a magic microwave shampoo cap that washes and rinses Avery's hair without water, while she sits in bed!!! Amazing!!!!

Avery had a great day. She was able to come off her bipap machine 3 times - for 3 hours each time. This will help her build up her respiratory muscles and test the left side of her heart out to also excercise it - to accomodate to pumping all that blood flow that it has never needed to.

All of her "numbers" and her exam tell us she is tolerating this well - but we are told it does take time for this process to occur.

She continues on her feedings through her jejunal tube - but we have had a hard time keeping it in place. It seems to spontaneously slip out into her stomach. ideally - they would like it past her stomach into her intestinal area so that if she does have any vomiting - she does risk choking or aspiratig on her feedings.

Avery was excitied to see her Aunt Jesse, Poppy, Gram Toole and Uncle Kevin come visit her today!

She is currently watching "Enchanted" (one of her favorite movies) with her dad and we will be getting an x-ray momentarily to see if the new feeding tube is in the correct position. Hopefully it will be - and we will all be settling in to get some rest.

--Thanks to all for your prayers, kind words and good wishes. I was with Avery on Christmas and she is doing even better today, as reported by my dad & sister!!!

Merlot & Marmalade...

Actually, it was pinot grigio and marmalade, but I liked the alliteration. My friend Ali, known to some of you as the grubby wench (her soap company), in addition to being a saponification expert, is also an excellent cook, and she agreed to help my friend (or perhaps former friend?) Anne, and I to make some marmalade. I beg the question about Anne's friendship because she volunteered her kitchen, which -- after a long day, several bottles of wine, (good food) a lot of singing and dancing and pot-watching -- did not fare well. In addition to getting the hot, sticky stuff all over the stovetop, counters, and floor, we somehow managed to pour some in between the glass panels of her oven door. Oops! If anyone has a tip for how to clean that up, I'd love to hear it.

Avery welcomes the winter!

Happy first day of winter everyone! Sorry for the long delay. Tis the season to fall behind on virtually everything. Add to the regular busy-ness of the holidays an ice storm that left me (and much of the Northeast)without power for days, and blogging just falls to the bottom of the list for awhile!

So the news of the day is that my niece is recovering from 2 major open heart surgeries, and is coming through like the tough cookie we all know and love. Today a hospital employee brought her 2 big buckets of fresh snow from last night's storm which she promptly decided she had to taste!! (see the picture above) She's still on breathing assistance for a few days, but slowly being taken off of machines and meds as her body gradually takes over all of the work by itself.

I thank you all for your words of support, prayers and good wishes. I pass them on daily to her parents and they have helped everyone to get through this time knowing how many wonderful people are thinking of their daughter.

No Christmas shopping is necessary this year. Avery's recovery is all we could ever ask for!

Avery rocks!

My heartfelt thanks to all of you who've kept my amazing (if I do say so myself) niece --and her parents & family -- in your thoughts and prayers this week. She was in surgery for 10 hours to work on her left ventricle and also to receive a mechanical heart valve. She will be sedated for at least another 24 hours, but her stats have been great and I've been told she looks excellent. FYI - she frequently looks very puffy and swollen for many days after her surgeries, and my sister and mom have been particularly pleased with how she looks this time, which is one of many signs that her heart is working better than it was before the surgery.

She still has another procedure ahead, and depending on how her stats hold up once she is awake and moving around, it may be done before the Christmas holiday (before scar tissue can build up), so I will continue to update you all on her progress and to ask for you to continue to keep her close in your hearts and minds.

In the meantime, I leave you with Avery's rendition of "These boots are made for walkin'" (or is it, Steak on the Roses??)inside joke

FYI, if any of you have been wondering, Avery is in the care of an amazing surgeon, cardiologist and medical professionals in the cardiac unit at Children's Hospital in Boston.

I am planning to see her this coming weekend, and will give a first-hand update at that time!!!
-Aunt Kerri signing off for now.

Sweet and strong...

After a somewhat sudden, though not entirely unexpected turn of events, my niece Avery will be undergoing her fifth open heart surgery either Wednesday or Thursday of this week, to replace her aortic valve and continue to correct a congenital heart defect.

I am asking my blog readers to send all of your positive thoughts, good wishes and prayers her way. This strong, feisty four-year-old is my biggest hero and these recent pics don't begin to capture her enormous personality

Sweet decay...

gray days
a damp chill in the air
the smell of wet leaves
a barren tree silhouetted against a cloudy sky
a gust of wind that sends the last leaves dancing across my lawn
a myriad of browns where once there was color

I love not just the bright, colorful majesty of early fall, but the fragile beauty of decay as autumn exhales its last sweet breath to old man winter.

Dream. Act.