Quiet your mind...(without checking, I think I have used this title before, Mea Culpa)

 "soak it all in, it's a game you can't win.
Enjoy the ride." -- Zac Brown Band

I have been reading a bit about the ego and the ego mind, and how my thoughts are just manifestations of my ego. How they are not reality. How, if I just stopped listening to them, I would be at peace.

I know this. I think most of us have been exposed to enough new age-y meditation-y stuff to get this, in the abstract, at least. 

But when I listen to my internal dialogue, I am so convincing. How can what I am thinking NOT be true? And if thoughts are meaningless, then what else is there? How do we put one foot in front of the other? How do we go about our days if we can't trust our own thoughts? (How can I be writing this?!)

I am not good at quieting my mind. I mean, really. I can't quiet my mouth, so it's not a reasonable expectation. I totally suck at meditation in the traditional sense. I just don't get it. My breathing is not fascinating enough to hold my focus. Even heavy breathing.

I understand the joy of being in the moment. I am just awful at staying there. I am compelled to evaluate the past moment and to anticipate the next moment. In my head. With varying degrees of intensity.

We all have internal dialogues. Most of the time, (if we are lucky,) they are the innocuous and helpful kind that help us to get through our day... lists of things we need to do, internal evaluations of past events, and plans for upcoming activities.

But what happens when the evaluation of yesterday's disagreement becomes an ongoing dialogue in your head? And you start staging a new argument? What happens when you attempt, in your mind, to rewrite the past, or manipulate the future, over and over again? I will tell you what...

ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY NOTHING DIFFERENT.

You are still in exactly the same place, except now you are angry or upset about things that have not happened. And are probably not even likely to happen.

So I know that this new age-y, meditation-y, "in the moment" stuff has merit.

And at least during the time I am writing this or am engaged in a creative activity, I am here, and not there. 

Sweeping the cobwebs from my blog...

Yaaaawn.That was quite a nap.

So the big news these days for me is that for the first time in exactly 30 years, I am without a job. I realize that means I am both old and fortunate, to have had steady work for all that time.

I was laid off recently, and I am learning a lot about myself in the process. Change teaches us so much about ourselves that we fail to recognize when we are just going through our regular daily routines.

Change forces us to notice things. It makes us face our fears. It makes us ask ourselves questions about our lives, our dreams and our goals. It makes us summon our strengths and admit to our weaknesses.

It's been just short of a month since my job was eliminated.

Week one came on the heels of vacation, so I spent it doing laundry and yard work and all of those domestic chores that one needs to catch up on after being away.

Week two was not as good. I was grumpy, lethargic, aimless. I had lots to do. Anyone who both owns a home and is looking for a job always has plenty to do. Now I had absolutely no excuse to avoid that long list of things that I could justify not getting done when I was working. Yuck.

Week three I came to the realization that I need some routines and structure. So that is where I am now. Creating new routines. Catching up with old friends. Trying some new things; using this time I have as a gift, and trying not to waste a minute of it. (Pinterest is NOT wasting time!)

I plan to venture out into some new art territory, of course, and I will share what I can with you, here.  If my art could be my next line of work, that would be outrageously awesome. (Note to local employers who may be looking at my resume -- your job would be awesome too!! )

I don't care so much if the long list of house chores is still there. Really, there is always one more thing to add to that list.

Meanwhile this guy is very happy that I am spending more time at home...

A new year...

I was down and out with a cold on New Year's Eve, but I did not mind. I discovered that the minor discomfort and fatigue gave me permission to just do nothing without feeling guilty. Okay, not entirely nothing. I really embraced Pinterest during my down time! Now to make the time to use some of that inspiration in my daily life!

I am fortunate to rebound pretty quickly, so I've tidied the house & tucked away Christmas for another year.

Busy putting my word to work for me ... discipline... it applies to just about every area of my life. It sounds like a stern and scary word, but I am learning that the gift it bestows is time and freedom later. We shall see!!

sketch 33 - face

heartbroken

My heart goes out to the families of Newtown, CT

This is going to be the last sketch I post for awhile. I am continuing to create new sketches daily, and I have plans for them, so you will see them again! Happy Holidays, my friends. I plan to continue blogging & sharing thoughts, humor and observations as time allows. Peace.

sketch 32 - face

the key

 "don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket." I just saw this quote on pinterest this morning and it was an apt reminder. i have a day off to shop and enjoy the company of good friends for lunch. i hope you take the time during this hectic season to find what makes you happy, and do it.

sketch 31 - face

tweet home

 

 

sketch 30 - face

present

I like words that have more than one meaning, like present. Either way, it is a gift. To be present, and in the moment, is a gift to those with whom you spend your time, as well as a gift to yourself.

I have to confess, I am not always present. My mind wanders. A lot. And it's not age. I was labeled a daydreamer by all of my teachers in school, from first grade on. I have probably blogged about this before. In the comments section of every report card, my teachers would note that I was a decent student, but I could excel if I would only spend as much time paying attention as looking out windows. Perhaps if they were more entertaining, I would have. Our interest focuses on things that grab our attention, or things for which we have a natural aptitude. We're lucky if we find something that we love AND that we're good at. I like to think I have found that with my art, and I want to show my gratitude to the universe every day, by showing up.

sketch 29- face

tea time

sketch 28 - face

sprig of holly

sketch 27 - face

the greatest gift

Sketch 26 - face

be a light

 

 

 

I am woefully underprepared for this holiday season, and yet, also rather unconcerned today. I am sure that a panic attack is right around the corner. Is it bad form to send everyone a link to my blog and post a digital Christmas card? Just kidding. I think this is dreadful, but at the rate I am going, this may be my only option.

 

Off to run errands, shop, walk Max, and then celebrate the season with friends. All is well. I will panic tomorrow!!

 

 

Sketch 25 - face -- and Word up for 2013

As some of you may know, my new year's resolution takes the form of a single word for the year rather than a declaration or list of goals. I swear by the power of a single word to transform my year. I think the main reason it works is its simplicity. It is easy for the mind to hold a single word and put energy behind it, and with energy, comes action and positive change.

I've been doing this for at least five years, and my life continues in a direction that reflects -- more and more -- who I am and what I need.

For 2012, my word of intention was power --my own personal definition of power -- which encompasses choice, and freedom, and financial security, to name a few. Even when I struggled through times in which I felt like the opposite was actually at work in my life, I just reminded myself of my word, and my circumstances began to fall into place. I have learned to just focus occasionally on my chosen word, and let it do the rest.

My word for 2013 has been in the wings for a couple of months already. I have been working for the past 25 days to put it into practice early. My word is discipline. I've read a number of articles this year written by artists and other successful creative professionals, and almost all of them name discipline as a key component in their success. And then this quote landed in my in-box a few weeks ago...

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires.

Seek discipline and find your liberty.

-- Frank Herbert (author, Dune)

So sometimes, you don't even have to choose a word. It chooses you.

holiday sweet

sketch 24 of 365 - face

book of love

 

 

sketch 23 of 365 - face

I saw a funny Facebook post recently about all of the electronic gadgets that kids have these days, and it ended with the comment "we had just one thing to play with as kids - it was called - "outside."

Growing up in a very small town in the late 60s and early 70s, that was pretty true.  I have winter memories of walking through the woods to Manning's Pond, which was essentially a small patch of frozen water beyond the local golf course. This was way back before the days of protective helmets and hovering parents.

Our method of testing to be sure the pond was frozen was to send the chubbiest of our friends across the water first. If he stayed up and the ice didn't  crack, we were good to go. (Is it too late to apologize for that, Victor?)

There were no triple Salchows or triple axels out there in the woods. We were lucky just to stay upright with the bumps & sticks embedded into the icy surface, but we felt adventurous and we would end our chilly trek at one or another's house with hot cocoa and mittens drying on radiators.

off to manning's pond

 

 

sketch 22 of 365 - face

tradition

More than a decade ago, my sisters and I used to get together annually for a weekend before the holidays to bake up baskets of breads, and cookies and sweets of all kinds to share with friends and relatives. It was ridiculously inefficient, with three women in one kitchen, sharing a single oven for a very long day that left us absolutely exhausted. Some of our baked treats were delicious, and some were quite awful -- like the very cute gingerbread men that were missing a key ingredient - sugar.

But like so many traditions, it was as much about spending time together as it was about the end result. I remember laughing all day, both at and with one another. And although our busy lives have made "sister baking day" a thing of the past, we made as many memories as cookies, and we'll savor them forever.

sketch 21 of 365 - face

peace on earth

Busy week ahead, so I thought beginning with peace would be a good thing. I wish you all a peaceful and magical holiday season.

sketch 20 of 365- face

In addition to posting my 20th sketch in a row, I just noticed that this is my 500th blog post since I began blogging in 2006. Some bloggers offer gifts to readers, and I love this concept, but I have proven to be absolutely lousy at following through on anything that involves getting a package in the mail, so I will just offer my gratitude that anyone out there ever visits!

I really am grateful for this avenue of sharing art, ideas, and friendship, and this is an illustration of my gratitude... (which is funny because I drew it before I knew that this was my 500th post or what I would say today)...

this much

sketch 19 of 365 - face

Happy December! The first morning of this month greeted those of us in upstate NY with chilly temperatures and a blanket of snow on the ground. Just enough to paint the perfect holiday picture outdoors, which inspired this illustation indoors, from my cozy sofa...

sketch 18 of 365-face

oh christmas tree

Trees are among my favorite holiday things. I love all kinds of trees in every season, and I particularly love evergreens and twinkly lights during the holidays. I have a little "forest" of trees set up on my front porch this year to celebrate the season, and it inspired this sketch.

sketch 17 of 365 - face

won't you light my candle

For those who visit daily, you will know I did not post this on Thursday, but I did create the original sketch on Thursday, so I am going to try to back date the posting. I just ran out of time and steam yesterday and did not have a chance to color and post my sketch...